Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
