I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
