I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
