U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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