so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
