I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
