I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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