remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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