i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
