Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
