No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
where are my eyebrows?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
