I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
