WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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