If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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