becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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