Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
