The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
