he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
