Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
