This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
