if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
