this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The adults are the big ones right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
