My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is wine microwaveable?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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