You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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