i would punch a child for taco bell
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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