just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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