Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
