she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
