At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
