I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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