i don't like sucking hair
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
