I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize