No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
