I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
