Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
