I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
