I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have fence marks all over my body
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
