Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
vagina is talking i cant
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
