just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
