She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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