He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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