In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
