Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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