Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
