I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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