batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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