false alarm. still invincible.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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