If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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