You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
