You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
