You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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