The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize