i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
