Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
