This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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