Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
