My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
soo... how was my night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
