he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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