We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
