Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
