hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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