I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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