thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
