Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize