So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
