"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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