Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How's work?
Spinning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
