I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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