The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
