I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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