So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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