Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize