Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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