Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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