Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
