oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
