I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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