sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
