took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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