At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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