I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
