you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
