those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
