note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize