I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
