I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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