she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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